My Superpower
This week I was hit with a challenge. What’s your superpower?
It took me a minute, and by a minute I mean several freaking days, to come up with an answer.
And honestly, all I could think of were reasons why I’m NOT super…
I went through all of elementary, jr.high, and half of high school before teachers discovered I have a severe learning disability: dyscalculia. Which is very similar to all of the effects of dyslexia, with an emphasis on issues with numbers. So when I say my math comprehension is that of a 2nd grader…I am sadly not even exaggerating.
I have ADD, as many of us do, which just makes normal things like structured classroom learning, sleeping, work, and being ‘normal’ harder for me than the average person.
I am an HSP (basically a diagnosis of being an empath to the most problematic 10th degree) and have grown up my entire life with incredibly high emotional intelligence, but very little emotional control. I.E: the crybaby of every room I’ve ever walked into. My eye sockets are faucets. They just don’t turn off.
I’ve been diagnosed with mildly moderate depression, suffer from spontaneous outbursts of anxiety, panic attacks, anxiety attacks (no they are not the same thing, yes they feel completely different), and all the thoughts that come along with that…nuff said.
Deep-rooted familial trauma that’s taken years (YEARS) of counseling to ‘heal’.
Toxic & traumatic relationship experiences that absolutely destroyed my perception of myself and my emotional safety. (thank you male species, for repeatedly proving to me to the point of multiple occursions of PTSD that *most all* men are trash)
And then, the sudden loss of my dad a few days before my college graduation.
I don’t say all this for sympathy. I say it for transparency. And for praise to Jesus.
But as I reflect on what my “superpower” might be, I chose to find that though the odds have been stacked against me in school, relationships, home life, work life, and beyond…that I, by some miracle ( and a TON of tears), pushed through every obstacle I had to face at every age and stage. I didn’t let any disability keep me from reaching my educational goals. I didn’t let any hurt or trauma close me off from pursuing a healthy relationship. I graduated college! I even accomplished extra units to further my education!
I landed a full-time job and a successful & healthy relationship.
WHO?! ME?!
Let me tell you, I NEVER thought I could accomplish either of those things.
They seem so simple, so achievable to most.
But for me and my past experiences, those were pipe dreams.
It’s wild to see how up until 9 months ago, I never expected those things out of myself.
I expected unhealthy relationships because most of my whole life that’s all that had pursued me.
I expected to consistently juggle 3 part-time jobs to make ends meet.
I never dared to dream for myself back then.
But God had better plans.
And now, I feel a fire lit underneath me.
Dreaming is all that I CAN do!
So here I am, still battling some of the same things, but knowing that some of my battles DID have a happy ending.
I probably never will be cured from my learning disability, mental health issues, or heal from the loss of a parent.
But really, I’m just happy, surprised, and ecstatic to have made it this far in life!
So resilience is my superpower. And my sidekick is my cat Sofi:)
xoxo
Rynika